Hell (icopters)

I was channel surfing a few months back after a hard day at work, and i landed on what I believe was the first episode of "The Amazing Race". There were two guys on a high rise roof top, and they were waiting for a helicopter to pick them up. The one fellow turned to the other as the helicopter came in and said (quite unscripted I'm sure) "isn't this the most James Bond thing you've ever done?". They then proceeded to cruise around the sky scrappers of Rio...eventually landing on another tall building, finding their clues, or whatever. I thought to myself...that does look like fun...how exciting.
Ten i got to reflecting about my experiences with helicopters, and how the practical reality of anything, even flying machines, is never as bright as it is on TV (college, for instance, was nothing like shown on the tube).
I've done a lot of flying in the course of my career as a tree planter/forestry technician, but at very few points could I ever describe the experience as fun (exciting maybe, but excitement is just your bodies reaction to adrenalin, and adrenalin is primarily sourced in fear...the old fight or flight reaction to external stress factors).
My first experience with helicopters was cool, because it was my first time. A forty five second ride up a hill with a nice landing area (on a road actually). The people and trees look like little ants from the sky. But lately, the very thought of having to get into a helicopter fills me with dread. his is not because I'm afraid of flying (although I am), but the crap that requires helicopter access is in variably unpleasant. My last ride in a helicopter ( a couple of weeks ago) was a 1 minute glide up a hill to a nasty cut block. I got out on the pad, and cringed at the sea of slash. Lucrative at 40 cents a tree, and the $400 dollars I made in the next 7 hours eased the pain, but altogether a unpleasant way to spend a Thursday.

I had a month last year, in a place called "Deserted River" (I thought that quaint), where this was my routine every day. it was October, invariably cold and rainy, and most days it was a battle just to get off the hill, waiting for windows in the fog. We had a very good pilot, but the one time he had to land on a moving barge and take off both doors in order to get my co-workers was a little too James Bond for my blood (fortunately no one can hear you shrieking in a helicopter with no doors). I just closed my eyes and held on to the compartment ceiling as we banked sharply in 80km cross winds.
Then there are the times where you are expected to get out of the machine without actually landing...the so called hover exit. This can be stressful as any sudden jarring movements caused by you at a critical moment can actually pull the machine out of the sky...a gentle transfer of weight out of aircraft and onto stump is required. Worse still is the hover entry, which is the same thing in reverse. Try climbing into something at head height that has a tendency to shift as much as five feet in any direction without making the odd sudden weight transfer. Most pilots tell me I'm actually good at this, but as far as I'm concerned I've just fluked it every time.
Then there was the time that three of us were flying up a hill to hover exit on separate stumps (so my stress levels were high already just with the anticipation of that). It was a very hot day, maybe 38 degrees or so, and we had a lot of weight with the three of us) suddenly lights started flashing, alarms started bleeping, and the pilot started cursing...he then did the helicopter equivalent of a back flip and soared downhill at an alarming rate of speed that seemed almost like free falling, and landed. He very calmly informed us that we would have to go up one by one as the high temperatures thin the air or something and reduce lift. Now how would you like to go back up after such an ordeal and drop your body out of a still flying aircraft onto a stump? Feeling James Bondy? Adrenalin pumping enough for you. I'm a simple man... I prefer to walk.
Besides, you can't take your dog in a helicopter.

Oh, and aboutthat second picture...this is what pilots refer to a a "hostile" pad. Try stepping onto that first thing in the morning.