Water, Water, Everywhere (Nor Any Drop to Drink)

Does it make you a bad person to revel in the misery of others? What if these people are sleeping in a bed they made? What if you really don’t know these people? What if it’s really not the people, but the idea that they represent?

I woke at 5:30 this morning to my usual morning CBC radio chatter. What I heard soothed my aching body and put a smile on my face (I rarely smile at 5:30 AM). The radio was abuzz with the news that Tofino had run dry. Not of imported Pinot Noir, nor of bathtub hootch, but of good old fashioned water (that’s H2O for you scientifically mined folks).

Apparently, the Ubber rich, and the assorted yuppie trash that makes Tofino such a special place had sucked the teats of Tofinos water reserves dry. Now, on the eve of the Labour Day long weekend, businesses and Hotels are forced to shut down, so that the actual residents can use what’s left of the precious aqua. Not that they will be able to drink it (not without boiling it first).

One could ask what I have against the small fishing village of Tofino. As a resident of Port Alberni (the closest place of size to Tofino) there are many good reasons. The first is the fact that Tofino is billed as a “fishing village”. This is the same trick that’s used by Zihuatanejo /Ixtapa in Mexico. I’ve been to both of these quaint little fishing villages, and the only difference is the temperature of the water. Neither are fishing villages…they are resort destinations…the playgrounds of the rich. Sure, many will argue that Tofino is a beautiful place, with beaches and resplendent nature abounding. This is true; you will just have to fight your way through video camera toting Japanese tourists, and RV driving Swiss people to get a look at it. Truth be told…the Long Beach area is only maybe in the top 5 best beaches on the Island, and as a surf destination, it lacks both a reliable break (a foamed out beach break at best) and room to paddle in.

This brings me to a couple more reasons I’m glad to see Tofino get caught with its pants down. If I see one more SUV with a surf board go past my house I might scream. And the Germans and the Swiss with the rental RVs…come on…nature is not best observed in a $50 a night camp ground parked next to your neighbour from Düsseldorf.

Perhaps I’m being a little hard on the Europeans…I might just resent people who don’t have to work all summer. Still, my point has some merit…why drive across a big place to be surrounded by people doing the same??? Fan out a bit…there’s plenty of space. There’s no need to go from Banff, through Whistler, to end up in an RV campground in Tofino…try some variety.

Also, and what peeves me the most (probably) is the inability to turn left from my street, onto the highway, between June and Labour Day. Taking three rights is sometimes wrong. As a side note here it is telling that the North Americans who rent RVs are easy to differentiate from the Europeans who rent RVs. The North Americans all stop at WalMart first. Probably the only business in Port Alberni that benefits from all that Tofino Bound traffic.

But back to the issue at hand. How did Tofino, with an average rainfall of 3240mm per year manage to run out of water? I know that it has been dry, but they get twice the precipitation of here. Vancouver, known as a wet place, only gets 1117mm per year, far less than Tofino. The mystery lies in the nature of the destination. Luxury demands excessive consumption. Tofino has an unusually large number of luxury hotel suites for a community of its size. Luxury hotel suites, in turn, tend to have unusually large multi-person Jacuzzi tubs. I suppose all the landscaping needs water too. And those Hummers sure do look shinny after you wash ‘em!! Just ask my mother what should happen to folks who continue to water their lawns after watering bans have been put in place.

Business owners are fuming. The lost revenue of shutting down on the biggest long weekend of the year will be astronomical. They blame the town council for not reacting fast enough (no mention of excessive water consumption from big business, just poor planning by the powers that be). But poor management or not, it’s plain that the responsibility of the water shortage falls squarely in the laps of those who pissed the water away.

Check out the homepage of the District of Tofino for updates on the water crisis. It’s a bleak assessment, but one that spells out the actions that need to be taken, Tough love I believe it used to be called.

One last point here: Los Angles (California), a huge city with many rich folks only receives 380mm of rainfall each year, but manages to stay a lush oasis year round. Why?? Not through any water conservation efforts I assure you. Rather, they siphon off all available water from Northern California, and send it down huge aqueducts (much like the Romans). And guess what…they want our water too!! Those plans for damming the rivers that out of BC won’t be irrigating our food. Not by a long shot. And despite the current world situation, I’m a firm believer that the next big war (not one of these half assed military interventions, but the next BIG one) will not be over oil, but rather, the world will go to war over the control of water. So start stock piling those weapons - unless of course you live in Tofino, where you should be safe.

Jah Made the Herb for Man

With the terror alert on maximum crimson, and in a world where sports drinks and suntan lotion are considered potentially lethal weapons, it’s time to bring it closer to home…to take stock of our own back yards, and to have a gander at the world around us.

Now the environmental types out there like to criticize the practice of clear cut logging…but many of these same people are busy little bees at this time of year, putting in hard hours to raise BC’s second cash crop of the forest. I often admire the sophistication and sly cunning of the hemp farmer. He is a crafty creature, moving undetected through the back roads, and through the cutblocks in which I work.

Of course, not everyone out there is sophisticated or smart, some to put it bluntly (oh and I’m sure they’d get a chuckle out of the word bluntly) are as dumb as a sack of hammers.

I once ran into a young gentleman with a very good plan. His crops were spread out along the edges of the openings, so that no obvious concentrations of that fine crop could be detected by the men in the black helicopters (seriously, you should check out the sky over Texada Island in September). He had a pickup with a 100 gallon tank in the bed, a quiet pump, and a few hundred feet of hose. In this manner he could drive around and bring water to his crops. He had nice plants, and a clean looking operation. Unfortunately, he had that chronic pot smoker habit of spacing out. He parked his truck in the middle of the road, blocking my way. I had to honk to get him to come out and move it so I could get home. Now, you look mighty suspicious with a truck, a huge water tank, and some hose. The next day I went and took a look.

Then, there was the guy who was walking through a cutblock with a full bail of sunshine mix (that’s pro mix #4 for you gardening types…extra perlite). He had the audacity (and I must add that this particular cutblock was on private timberlands) to ask me what I was doing there. Me…the guy with the hard hat and the high vis vest.

It’s always fun finding the plantations…lucky for them I don’t smoke the ganja, because it’s always tempting to nip a bud or two. You can always tell where it’s being grown. Subtle disturbances in the landscape (and later in the fall the tell tale aroma). You rarely stumble upon it.

I like to screw with peoples heads, without destroying there enterprise ( a mans got to earn a living) but to play with their paranoid minds is fun. Sometimes I hip chain around all the plants, leaving a bizarre pattern of survey string like a demented spider. Once I hung falling boundary ribbon around the crop. This particular time (Thursday afternoon) I hung a note saying that the area will be re-planted in the fall (which it will). I figure it will give the guy the opportunity to move his operation before the planters smoke it all up.

I put this last picture in my survey report as the representative photo of the stratum. I also entered in a 1% cover of Cannabis sativa into the competing brush description (although I’ve never really seen pot compete with conifer seedlings…you would have to grow a whole shwack bud to harm a tree). Mostly, it’s a harmless industry. Good for them I say. Unless they leave a lot of trash behind. One fellow I work with came home with 20 full sized garbage cans. He gave me one. I put my trash curb side in it every Monday morning. You think that the people in the cannabis culture would be into recycling…but I guess that would be stereotyping.