Taking Back Suburbia

I have a very nice old cherry tree in my back yard, Its about 70 years old, rotten in many spots, but it still cranks out about 400-500 pounds of tasty cherries every year…at least I think they’re tasty…I’ve never gotten the opportunity to eat any of the ripe ones. Typically about 4 days before they are perfectly ripe, the sky darkens, and a monstrous flock of starlings descends from the sky, consuming every one in about 4 minutes. It’s a wonderful event…similar to watching a plague of locusts destroy the remaining wheat in a drought year…real Old Testament style entertainment. But there’s a new scourge in town…the bandito brothers…racoons most foul.

Now ironically (as most things in my life seem to be) I had not one, but two bona fide “coon” dogs at my house. Now it’s true that Sasha is of dubious breeding, and the “coon hound” bloodline is a little polluted with lesser coon orientated breeds, but primarily (from the comments the coon hound people who’ve seen her) she is (in their estimation) “one fine coon hound bitch”. And she certainly acts the role. She chases all manner of animal, from cat, to deer, to goat, to wood bug, but when she spies a racoon in a tree, there is a discernable change in her demeanour…to put it bluntly, she goes berserker.
But that leaves the question of “Strider”, my friend Brooke’s pure-bred, pedigreed, money costing bona fide “Coon” hound. Perhaps he was a little sleepy eyed from a hard nights snoring…or a little tuckered out from playing with Sasha yesterday. In either case the racoon paid no mind.

Perhaps it’s because deep down inside, Strider is a Buddhist, and wishes no ill towards the racoons.
It also should be pointed out at this juncture, that Strider is only 8 weeks old, and has some trouble with the porch stairs.

Maybe next year, given the time to grow, and the training in the fine art of “cooning’, Strider can come back and finally, I will have a cherry pie.

Of course, there is still the matter of the starlings. People whom I’ve talked to about this problem suggest that I net my tree. These people are clearly not well informed about the size of this tree…it’s big…I would need a crane or a helicopter to get a net on it. Others suggest that I get a plastic owl. I have a plastic owl…it just gets pooped on.

Clearly, it’s time to pony up and get a gun. If Caddyshack has taught me anything, its that garden pests must be handled with extreme prejudice.
Seriously, with the racoons,bears, and occasional waterbuffalo roaming around these parts, I'm starting to care less and less about the slugs.